The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
