On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
