On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
