Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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