I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
