I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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