i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
