You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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