$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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