It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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