Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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