So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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