I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
