he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
