Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
