ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
