my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
