Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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