i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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