since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
