I want to stick my p in your. b.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
