I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize