the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
