batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
