I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
