I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
