Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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