There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
