Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
