Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
