Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
