a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
