Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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