she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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