oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
