dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
accomplished twins. life is a go
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
