yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
