Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i out mim tonsoeep
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