I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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