Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
