Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
