i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
