Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need to calm my uterus...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He shit in the fireplace
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
