What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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