I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
