dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
