Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it hurts more in the daytime
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
