a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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