i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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