How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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