I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
