You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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