i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
