I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
