I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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