My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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