You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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