You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
