So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
