Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
