I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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