btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
