my sisters under your porch take her home
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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