no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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