i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
