guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
