Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
