matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
