Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Slut skills are useful in every country.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
