somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
