Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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