I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
