i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
