new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
