Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
