i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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