Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
