just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
