bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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