I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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